is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.