The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went