He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...