Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dignity is for republicans.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.