if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(