PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
