If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?