Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
