I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.