Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.