Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
