Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?