I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.