he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.