I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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