He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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