I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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