After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
