Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
