I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear