She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.