It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"