I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...