I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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