I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.