You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.