It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child