My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??