Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
try to milk me bitch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.