Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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