Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?