Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
