A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.