it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM