I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?