I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.