In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...