he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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