you guys were way drunker than both of me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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