im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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