You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse