Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!