Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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