if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.