i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?