you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...