I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest