He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown