I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated