for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
