Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"