I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel