he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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