He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.