Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset