By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
