she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.