Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize